not yet

we were playing some stupid game that sparked a conversation that i'd like to say was equally stupid, but it's hard to call something stupid when all you remember of it is how beautifully the person's voice flowed through what they were saying, and how the light hit their eyes just so in a way that made the usual blackish brown tone erupt into a seemingly infinite abyss of shades of brown. words cant *begin* to describe everything i felt in that moment. love, for this person it feels like i've only just met but already hold dear. regret, for letting myself walk down a dead ended path. wonder, with this newfound beauty that hid behind those cloudy blackish brown eyes. i'll never forget what's past those blackish brown eyes. not only that depth, but a mind that has corners that even the most thorough would look past, and i could only *wish* to be graced with the honour of getting to know those parts. i want them to let me into that mind of theirs. let me pick it apart in the least menacing way. let me see all the deepest darkest secrets and embrace them as if they're my own. i know that i'll never get to, but i'll never stop wanting, wishing. i'm almost always one to act first, wait second, but in this circumstance, i think i'll have to go all aaron burr and wait for it. i can't try my luck with this person, because they already have someone. i don't even know if i'd want to try my luck with them. all i know is i want them closer. so close. and i can't have them closer. not yet.